First Official Crime Scene Investigation

Last week I realized that, despite the fact that my guides have told me that I'll be going more public soon, I have had very little experience with a couple of areas of common public interest; namely crime scene investigation and investigation of houses with spirit activity. My relative lack of experience in those areas came to my attention because of the fact that, over the last 8 months I've had multiple clients coming to me in need of those services. The influx of clients with those needs is strange only because I haven't really drawn many of those types of clients in the past...I never really saw myself as the type to help the police solve a crime (despite the fact that, as pathetically typical as it may sound, Medium is my favorite show, lol). The truth is that I tend to be a very deeply emotional person in the sense that I feel the pain of others to my core, making it difficult for me to relive their suffering. This is why I can't watch movies like Saw or others in which people are suffering; it literally makes me physically sick to my stomach.

In any case, after coming to this realization last week, I decided that, since I'm not sure what avenue my professional life will take in the public, I should probably get some practice in...Now, I'm not COMPLETELY inexperienced in these areas - I've investigated homes for people unsettled by spirit activity and over the course of my career I've aided families whose loved ones have died tragically, mysteriously or otherwise unnaturally. But doing medium work and obtaining information that way before going to a crime scene is very different than going in completely blind, which is something that, until today, I'd never done before. It's one thing to sit down with a mother whose son comes through and tells you all of the details of his murder but quite another to go to a location where you have absolutely no idea what type of a passing took place there (whether a murder, a suicide, an accident or a natural passing) and attempt to connect to the energy to get information. This is what I did today...Last week I had my assistant Chris look up locations online without telling me or anyone else ANYTHING about the location he chose - not even where it was located...The plan was for him to get the jist of what happened and then, on the appointed day (today), drive us out to the location, where I would be videotaped doing a "reading" on what happened at the location.

Follow up:

Please keep in mind that I don't approach this as some sort of exciting "ghost hunting" expedition...I take my work and the lives that have been lost very seriously and with the utmost respect. I believe that, with some practice, I can potentially help families find closure (possibly through assisting them with leads) in the death or abduction of loved ones and my intention when doing these investigations is to hone my skills. I'm choosing to videotape them both so that I can overcome any sort of "performance anxiety" I might have and also to let the world see what's it's really like on an investigation...Most of the shows we see about psychic phenomena are so pre-packaged and glitzy that people think a psychic sees all things in an instant, which isn't true...We're human and we're not infallible...Sometimes a 22 minute investigation takes 15 minutes to really get going (grin). I think it's important that people understand the truth about psychic phenomena because I think it might help those who have doubts to know that being psychic doesn't mean we have some special powers, it just means we're more aware of the subtle energies around us. Hopefully my work can help to bring a bit more of a sense of humanity to the field.

I also think that the videos of me investigating the locations will help others who are working to develop their skills to see that, no matter how long you've been working with your abilities (I've been working with mine since I was a little girl and I've been working professionally for about 10 years), you never stop learning and growing; ideally there's never a point in one's life where they've mastered everything and have no room to grow. Before last week I'd never really had much interest in crime scene investigation - it just wasn't an area I thought of myself exploring or taking an interest in...But after having spent time feeling the overwhelming energy at my first location, I can see so much potential...I was so moved by the little girl who gave me details of her murder and those of her loved ones that I feel compelled to continue exploring this path.

MY FIRST INVESTIGATION

To be honest, I wasn't sure I would be able to do it...Would I be able to connect strongly enough to the energy of a space to be able to determine the facts of what had taken place? When I do medium readings, I'm not able to control who comes through, so my client could hear from someone they really want to talk to or they may hear from an uncle who passed 20 years before they were born...Would I be able to connect with the residual energy of someone's passing strongly enough on command to be able to pick up anything but the most basic emotions? Well, for better or worse, I was determined to find out - and I wanted to make sure that it was under strenuous conditions: a. while I was being videotaped (which always makes me nervous!) and b. with other people watching (which ALSO makes me nervous! lol - I'm getting much better at these things, though)...

So today (Monday, April 6, 2009) was the appointed day and, while I'm very surprised and happy that I was able to pick up some good, solid information, it was an incredibly disturbing to experience. I'll be posting the video (along with subsequent ones that I'll be doing soon) on the website (www.MediumReadings.com) and I'll post the link here on this blog post within the next day or two, so be sure to check back if you don't see it yet...

I'm going to leave the video in its entirety, as well as adding some commentary to the beginning for my website. The video is about 10 minutes long and for the most part you can tell that it's my 1st official "investigation" - I spent the first 6 minutes or so just trying to wade through this giant mass of horrifying energy without being able to get anything too specific...the energy was just so thick and so frenzied and so overwhelming and the images were so confusing - it was like I was going underwater in a pool and I couldn't pick out one thing from another...but it was all frightening...It didn't help that we were standing out on a street and neighbors were all around, so we had to be very quick - I had a good connection going, so I think if I'd had more than the 10 minutes to be there I probably could have gotten some good details...

Actually, even though I wasn't told where we were going, the second we'd turned down the street I knew it was our destination (despite the fact that our driver took a bit of a "scenic" route through many neighborhoods to get there, lol)...the energy from the very top of the street was like passing through a thick brick wall...It was intense and it was heavy...About 200 feet past that I literally felt this overwhelming terror and just wanted to run as far from there as possible - it was a horror I've never experienced in my life...Chris, who was driving, asked if I wanted to leave but fortunately I was able to get it under control and we continued...it loosened for a few feet and then it struck again in an overwhelming, horrifying sense of panic in one spot on the street - I didn't have to guess where the house was located...Chris drove past it all the way to the end of the street because fortunately he had his thinking cap on and wanted to see if I could narrow down the area of the street where the house was located...He drove past again and even tried to "sidetrack" me by driving up another little street, but, it was clear to me where the area was...I had him turn around and we went back, stopping right in the middle of where the anxious energy was thickest...Unfortunately my camera can only hold an hour's worth of video, so we weren't able to videotape alot of interesting things that happened, including this particular scene, but we're working on that for next time...

As soon as I stepped out of the car I was overcome and overwhelmed with images and feelings...Unfortunately, because I'm not used to being on camera, I'm also not used to verbalizing everything I'm experiencing, which you'll see for the 1st few minutes of the video (I do a lot of gestures as I'm experiencing pain from the way the people died, but I don't do a lot of verbalizing what I'm seeing and feeling - except that at one point early on I do say that I felt like I was being "punctured," which was true - it was horrible)...Working on verbalizing everything I'm experiencing so people watching can understand what's going on is something I'm going to work on for future investigations...But in this one, you'll see me walking around as I'm wading through fear and from the 1st second I stepped out of the truck I was hit with the vision of blood all over the walls of a house at night - it looked like a scene from Amityville Horror. At the same time I was being bombarded with this feeling of being stabbed, my throat kept feeling like it was closing up so that I could barely breathe (at the time I thought it meant someone was strangled but I later found out it was something much worse), my head felt like I'd been hit by both sides of a hammer and I wanted so, so badly to cry...

THE BLACKBIRD

Then I saw the blackbird...Until that point, I wasn't really sure if I was going to be able to wade through all of that chaotic, terrified and terrifying energy...I was swimming in this chaos and then I turned and saw a blackbird sitting on a post a few feet away and it all started to pull together...it was amazing (You'll see it in the video)...As crazy as it sounds, that blackbird caught my eye and I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of sadness - I couldn't stop the tears from coming and the next thing I knew, I had a child standing next to me telling me details of what had happened...It started to get more cohesive...As another example of something not caught on tape, the child gave me a few more pieces of the puzzle, including telling me that she was a girl and her brother survived the attack. Unfortunately we also didn't capture the moment that I was led (by the little girl) to the 2nd location - this was a key part of the crime, so I'm disappointed that we were unable to capture it on video.

There are a couple of details that I misinterpreted, including two points: a. I thought that they knew their attacker...I was getting a feeling from the girl that the guy was some kind of drifter but it really felt like he'd been to their property before...This was incorrect - the guy was an escaped convict from the Chino men's correctional facility. He "hid out" at the house next door to them, which is probably why I felt a "familiar" feeling. b. It's funny, at one point in the video you'll hear me say that I thought that the brother might have been the one who did it...I didn't really feel that way so I'm not sure why I said that - probably because I was just overwhelmed...I've never been to a place like this before...all that kept running through my mind was, "My God, it was a massacre - a bloodbath..."

In any case, after the little girl (who I thought was 9 but was actually 10) came, a lot more information came through clearly...Again on the point of verbalization, I didn't realize it because I was immersed in the energy, but I kept saying in the video that there was a single male - what I meant was that it was one man who'd done it...I felt that some people thought that, because it was so savage that there were multiple killers, like in the Sharon Tate murders, but that wasn't the case - just one man did this. Unfortunately, again, I was overwhelmed so I didn't verbalize that part correctly...But for my very first investigation I think I did ok sifting through some very difficult info, especially since I'd had no idea of anything about the place - when you go to a scene you naturally assume there was a PERSON who'd died, not an entire family, which was one point that the little girl made clear. She also told me how many family members had died and how many had lived and she made the stabbings very apparent, which, although there were other injuries, is how they all passed...and she also kept making my throat feel like it was closing up...I found out in the "de-briefing" that that's because her little brother's throat had been slit, although he was the only one to survive...

I was very deeply affected by this scene and have had some real trouble disconnecting from the sadness of it all...Toward the end of the video you'll hear me say that "They don't like that very much" and that "We should go." What had happened was that the little girl disconnected from me all of a sudden and told me that "They don't like that very much" - meaning people filming in front of the house...Another point I found out in the de-briefing is that, despite the fact that this took place in the 80's (another fact that was given to me by the little girl off-camera, unfortunately), they still get looky-loos wanting to see a "haunted house." This breaks my heart....Although of course it sounds hypocritical since I too went there, my intentions were not to "ghost hunt" or "see something cool." My intentions were to hopefully use the tragic loss to strengthen my skills so that I may someday help others. A second after the little girl told me this and pulled away a car drove down the driveway and stopped where we were, so we left.

FACTS I WAS ABLE TO PICK UP WHILE ON-CAMERA

1. Two places were injured: The head and the chest (Fact of the Case: The victims were stabbed multiple times, chopped with a hatchet and bludgeoned (hit in the head) with the blunt end of the hatchet)

2. The location was the scene of a murder (Fact of the Case: The location was a murder site

3. A lot of blood (I felt "a bloodbath")(Fact of the Case: The walls were covered in blood due to the violent way the victims were killed)

4. Injury to the throat (interpreted incorrectly at the time as strangulation because of the feeling of a hand around my throat in addition to it closing up) (Fact of the Case: The young son, Joshua's throat was slit and he was hit on the back of the head. He survived by placing his hand over his throat to slow the blood loss)

5. Perpetrated by a single man (Fact of the Case: Although there was a brief belief that the especially violent nature of the crime indicated that it was perpetrated by multiple offenders, DNA evidence pointed to a single man: Kevin Cooper)

6. Happened at night (Fact of the Case: The murders took place in the middle of the night while the victims slept)

7. The victims were "punctured" (Fact of the Case: The victims were each stabbed and punctured with a hatchet several times.)

8. The murder was "frenzied" (Fact of the Case: The murderer was, in fact, in a frenzy, moving from one family member to the next, striking multiple times with both a hatchet and a series of knives)

9. Involved a family - more than one victim/multiple murders (Fact of the Case: The victims were the Ryen family and a family friend)

10. Single story house (Fact of the Case: The murder took place in their single-story house. As a side note, the houses that are in the area now seem mostly to be 2-story houses)

11. The victims included an older female and 2 children (Fact of the Case: The victims did, in fact, include Peggy Ryen, the mother, Jessica Ryen, 10 years old, and Joshua Ryen, as well as Joshua's friend, who was staying the night. Unfortunately, although I started to pick up on this 5th victim, I didn't pursue it)

12. 3 family members died, although there was a 4th family member who was "supposed to die" but didn't. (Fact of the Case: Peggy, Doug and Jessica Ryen were all killed that night. The 4th family member was Joshua Ryen, then 8 years old, who survived the vicious attack, despite being bludgeoned in the head and having his throat slit)

13. One child died, the other was the one who was "supposed to" die but didn't - in other words, the "4th family member" mentioned above was NOT one of the adults, it was a child (Fact of the Case: The surviving victim wasn't an adult, it was 8 year old Joshua Ryen)

14. There was also a male victim (Fact of the Case: There were actually 3 male victims, including the 2 boys, Joshua Ryen and Chris Hughes. What I meant by this statement in the video is that there was also an adult male victim, which would be the father, Doug Ryen)

15. The house was a ranch or a farm (Fact of the Case: The Ryen's house was a single-story horse ranch, where they also had cats, dogs, sheep and other animals)

16. November was significant, but wasn't the month the murder took place (Fact of the Case: The killer, Kevin Cooper, was arraigned in November, 5 months after the murders)

FACTS THAT CAME UP OFF-CAMERA

Here are a few facts that either came up in another video we shot after leaving the house (which I might post at a later time) or off-camera:

1. The child I was talking with was a little girl (Fact of the Case: A little girl named Jessica Ryen was one of the victims)

2. She told me her brother was the one who survived (Fact of the Case: Jessica's little brother, Joshua survived the brutal attack)

3.The crime happened in the 80's (Fact of the Case: The murder took place in 1983)

4. The little girl kept saying "bedroom" (Fact of the Case: the crime happened in the parents' bedroom)

5. I kept getting pulled up the street a ways to another house...When we pulled in front of it I thought I was going to burst out in tears, literally...I kept telling Chris (my assistant) that I felt that there was such a strong emotional tie for the little girl to that place, but I didn't know why...It turns out that the house we were standing in front of to shoot the video was the killer's "hideout." It's where he was staying before the murders and where he went (with the murder weapons) after the killings. This 2nd house was where the family lived and where the actual killings took place.

JESSICA'S BLACKBIRD
After we left the house, we drove up the street and pulled over next to a field of high grass and flowers to give me a chance to decompress. I was feeling better since the place where we'd pulled over was in an area where the energy was lighter...but after a few minutes of sitting, I suddenly was overcome with that same feeling I'd felt when I'd seen the blackbird before the little girl appeared...I literally started getting choked up again...About 2 seconds later Chris looked over my shoulder and said, "There's the blackbird! It's the only one in the field!" I turned around and there it was...About 20 feet from my window...The black bird with the bright, flaming red breast...and I was heartbroken.

All the time in the world...

After sitting for the last few hours listening to music (much as I would at any other time in my life with little thought), I had an epiphany: My life is very strange. Don't get me wrong, I mean that in the best possible way. It's just that, sitting here, being lulled into submission by the bittersweet melodies of some of my favorite songs, I realized how very...odd...a journey I've taken through this place, this life...My beloved best friend Kat (who passed away from cancer in 2002) might say that I've played in the clover patches of life...My beloved grammy (who passed away from cancer a month after Kat) might say I took the circuitous route...listening to the truth in the beats of my own heart...But hopefully they'd both say I've lived my life well, full of experience with plenty of "sightseeing" along the way...

Follow up:

It's interesting, the road I decided to walk, considering the conventional paths of my siblings...all four of my sisters (one of whom is a gifted medium and another a gifted psychic) are in real estate and my brother is an engineer working for a huge electronics company. Throughout my entire life my family expected me to go to college, get a degree in law or medicine or...anything, really, lol and live in 9 to 5 obscurity...I'm sure the fast-paced, adventure-filled rollercoaster ride they've watched me navigate hasn't been easy to watch at times. But the truth is that it's shocking to me that, despite the fact that they've each shown interest in their abilities, not a single one of my incredibly gifted sisters has chosen to pursue a career outside the norm. My second-oldest sister (whose name I won't mention here to protect her privacy) is an amazing medium, for example...and the sister just above me has had prophetic dreams since we were little kids. I remember her waking up in the morning and telling me things that were going to happen in the world that week - and, almost without fail, they did. It wasn't an easy way to grow up, I imagine...For my part, I just got to talk to people whose bodies had died...It wasn't much different than talking to you or anyone else. But my sister had to see some very scary, horrific images in her dreams. Not all of them were bad, but I remember a few that were bad enough to really shake her.

I've been thinking recently though about perception and how it truly creates our lives. For example, I truly haven't had a clear concept on just how unusual my life has been until recently when I was talking with a couple of friends about some of my experiences. After explaining what I've always thought was a relatively tame experience in which a spirit manifested himself in full, clear "ghostly" form and walked out of one of the walls of my apartment, across my hallway and into another wall, I looked up to see that the jaws of both of my friends were practically sitting on their knees, lol. It's been hard not having my grammy to talk to about my experiences...When I was a kid I always loved to sit with gram, listening to her talk about when she was a little girl and first discovered that she was "haunted." She'd actually had a few scary experiences as a kid...Although they're easy to understand as an adult, they were frightening to a 9 year old. One such time was when she was babysitting her little brother. Her step mother had to run to the store, so she left my grandma at the little apartment with the baby. Gram said she'd always been afraid of that apartment because she'd heard noises, including footsteps and voices and she'd seen a man walking around occasionally. So this one day she was alone with the baby when the water in the kitchen kept turning on by itself. She was scared, but she kept going in and turning it off. She said it turned on probably 8 or 9 times. It would just be off and then as soon as she went into the living room it would turn on full blast. So finally she decided to ignore it and stayed in the room with the baby, already scared out of her wits. She heard the water running, but refused to go into the kitchen again, instead just sitting frozen on the couch. Then, a couple of minutes later, she looked up to see a man (she said he looked like he was 19 or 20) peeking around the corner, smiling at her. She said that was the last straw, lol - she grabbed the baby and ran outside to sit on the front porch for 30 minutes until her step mother finally came home, lol. She never told her step mother what happened because the woman wasn't very nice, but when they went inside the water was turned off and there was no sign of any disturbance. (Just as an interesting side note, having water turned on happened to gram in several places by several different spirits - it appears that was gram's "alert." Mine has always been televisions being turned on. Ever since I was a little girl, I've had multiple televisions turned on by spirits - I have a theory that every medium has their one particular "sign" that they've received multiple times throughout his or her lifetime. It would be interesting to test that theory!)

Okay, it's time to start my day...But I'm in the mood to share more about gram and Kat, so stay tuned!

Not Without A Fight....

I've literally had 3 clients within the last week inform me that my prices are insanely low compared to other readers, right before they asked me with trepidation if I was planning on raising my prices anytime soon, lol...The economy being what it is, I figured that those 3 people probably represent many, many more wondering the same thing, so I figured I'd address the issue here, along with some thoughts on the economy...

Follow up:

First, the 3 who spoke up each told me hesitantly that my prices are insanely low, apparently believing that this was something I was unaware of...While I do genuinely appreciate the fact that I have such wonderful, selfless clients who would be willing to help ME by letting me know that my prices are far below industry standard, even if it meant that they might have to pay higher prices, in this case I assure you the concern is unwarranted...Those clients are right: the industry pricing standard is significantly higher than the prices that I charge, which was an intentional decision on my part, for several reasons...First, I want to be sure that I am always accessible to EVERYONE who may need help, guidance, or a way to connect with their loved ones on the other side, NOT just people who can afford $300 an hour. Second, if I WERE to raise my prices, it certainly wouldn't make sense to do it now, when people are losing their jobs, many barely able to afford even my relatively low prices. There will come a time when I will raise my prices, but it won't be before the beginning of 2010 and it won't be anything too drastic...I assure you my current pricing will remain in place until our economy has passed its "red zone."

Which brings me to my next topic: the economy. I imagine many of you have noticed a distinct absence of any economy-related blog entries here...Like my pricing, this has been an intentional decision on my part. While I've spoken with several of my clients for the last year and a half about where the economy was headed, I've been very careful not to share my insights with the general public...First of all, as I always tell my students in my classes, nothing is set in stone - like a boat floating on the ocean, the course of choices (and therefor outcomes) can change like the tide and I am the queen of hope, lol...Some may argue that I could have prepared some people for what was to come by being forthright with everyone here about what my guides have told me was coming, which is true...However, sometimes ignorance actually can help since collective thought can literally change the course of events. Long story short, if everyone knows we're heading for a depression, they're going to panic, creating an energetic ball of fear that's going to weigh the ship down ten times more, making it sink a heck of a lot faster. Remember that EVERYTHING is made of the same energy - EVERYTHING. And thought is a very powerful form of energy (which is why the brain waves can be measured by doctors on an EKG). So, even though it may not have been possible to avoid what's to come completely, having a little extra time has allowed those in power to at least attempt to find some ways for us to recover a little more quickly when we get to the other side of the downfall...

Please remember that what you believe, you live. I realize that many of you have lost your jobs and are panicking, understandably. I'm not asking you to live in a fantasy happy land...But what I'm saying is that you CAN change the course of things by changing the course of your little tiny piece of the collective puzzle. Whether it's volunteer work or freelance work, KEEP THE ENERGY IN YOUR LIFE MOVING. PERIOD. DO NOT STOP. DO NOT FALTER RIGHT NOW. Keep moving, keep walking your path, do NOT be discouraged by what seems like a monumental setback. Be thankful for all of your blessings, no matter how small - if you lose your job be thankful for your savings; if you lose your house and have to move in with relatives be thankful that they're there to help you; if you don't have enough savings to last long, start doing consulting or freelance work and be thankful for the skills you gained at the job you seemingly "lost."

GET CREATIVE!! Remember that right now, many companies have had to let go of half of their staff because they can't afford the salaries and benefits, but they're STILL IN NEED OF THE WORK DONE BY THE EMPLOYEES THEY HAD TO LAY OFF. This offers independent consultants and freelancers a PERFECT opportunity! If you were a manager of a sales team, put together an independent sales team and approach companies who had to let their sales team go. There are obvious benefits to not having to pay for the desk space, benefits, etc. If you were an administrative assistant, approach companies to offer your services on a freelance as-needed basis, charging either by the hour or by the project. Most freelancers/independent business people don't need an office - they can work from their home/garage/community center and, when needed, a conference room can be rented very cheaply for client meetings.

Right now is NOT the time to fold, NO MATTER HOW BLEAK THINGS MAY SEEM! YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND THINGS ARE NOT HOPELESS, EVEN NOW...Take this opportunity to pool your resources, including others you may know who have lost their jobs or whose hours were cut...Now is the time for us to band together in pairs and groups to help one another...I know it's a scary time, but by taking just a little bit of control, not only will you feel less scared, but you'll be able to make the ride a little less bumpy for yourself and those around you...

BE INSPIRED.
INSPIRE THOSE AROUND YOU.
STAY FOCUSED.
KEEP MOVING.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND YOU CAN DO THIS!

Highly Recommended!

Anyone looking for an amazingly ethereal musical experience should listen to Vas...hauntingly beautiful...

Hijacked Readings and Other Mishaps

This has been a hectic week! I've been jumping between spiritual work and marketing, which has been an interesting challenge, lol...It's worth it, though, to pursue the work I'm so passionate about. I'm also working on getting the podcast up and running (still!) AND I'm working with a producer to create some dvd's of my classes. And FINALLY, we're trying to find a way to broadcast my classes online so that people throughout the world can take part.

On a different note, I didn't have time to write about this last week, but something interesting happened that I wanted to share with you. It just serves to illustrate, once again, the amazing power of those on the other side...I came in one morning last week and had 2 medium readings back to back (both on the phone), which I thought nothing of since that's not a rarity...

When I got started on the first reading (with a woman I'll call Jenny), I immediately connected with a group of people who she THOUGHT she recognized, but many things made absolutely no sense to her...I knew I was connected very strongly, so we continued, receiving a ton of information, very little of which she could validate. Nevertheless, she took meticulous notes and at the end I suggested she speak to family members to see if they recognized anything...

Follow up:

After the difficulty validating the first reading, I was happy to find that the second reading (with a woman I'll call Karen) was full of detailed information that my client understood and enjoyed. I did note, though, that 2 of the people who had come through for Jenny were seemingly coming through for Karen! I told her about it, thinking that my previous client's loved ones just didn't want to leave, but Karen said that it made sense to her that that might happen, so I let them continue (I instructed her not to tell me why though, since I didn't want to be affected by any information she might give). At the end of the reading I hung up, happy at having released the frustration from the first reading.

Well, a few days later, I received a call from Jenny who informed me that both she and Karen had been referred to me by their mutual friend (I'll call her Lisa). Jenny and Karen didn't know each other, but since they were both getting their readings on the same day they had decided to have a conference call with Lisa for a few minutes beforehand and then they did the same thing when they both were done...As it turned out, almost every single piece of information that came through in Jenny's reading was meant for Karen...including a visit from an old friend who had passed unexpectedly...I suggested to Jenny that she have Karen take her out to lunch since her family & friends hijacked her reading! lol It just goes to show that not only can the other side see a little farther down the road, but they have a good sense of humor as well!

Everything and Nothing....

You would think that, being in the profession that I am that I would have a better sense of direction than most...Unfortunately that's not true for either my physical sense of direction OR for my spiritual one, I'm afraid. I know that I'm lucky to have escaped the place I was working...And I am so thankful...But now that I'm out and doing my best to navigate the waters out in the open sea, it's daunting...I'm more booked than ever, thankfully, but that's never been a worry for me...My guides told me from the moment I chose to leave the book store where I'd been doing readings for almost 7 years (including the period after the fire) that I would be taken care of. Now I'm just doing my best to find my spiritual voice again after such a long time of having to silence it for the sake of survival where I worked.

Follow up:

When I first left the book store I was working literally 12-16 hours a day, every day, trying to get my office together, including doing back to back readings, booking appointments, setting up phone and internet and electricity, putting together marketing materials, updating the web site and all of my internet marketing and oh yeah, doing more readings, lol...I was so exhausted that I'm sure that some of my readings during that time were disjointed...I appreciate every one of you who has been patient with me while I've been getting my new home together! It hasn't been easy but it's definitely been worth it! It's amazing to wake up in the morning and actually look forward to going to work in the morning! And the energy at the new place is amazing...So peaceful...Truth be told, I'm not sure that this place is going to be permanent for reasons that I can't divulge right now, but I am definitely thankful for it - it's a wonderful, peaceful intermediate home for my new practice!

I actually had a disheartening experience the other night...I'm sharing it here both because I think it's important that others interested in developing their abilities know that, no matter how long you work with your abilities, we all have "off" days - AND because I promised when I started writing this blog that I would share as much of myself with my readers as I could in an honest, up front way. So I had a "spirit circle/mediumship demonstration" scheduled at my office the other night. Half an hour before the event was to begin, I had to go pick my boyfriend up and, unfortunately he wasn't thinking and told me some horrible, painful news. I did my best to "shake it off," reminding myself that others had come a long way to talk with their loved ones...I did my best to let go of the words that kept reverberating in my head, but in the end my meditating and prayer weren't enough to raise my vibration enough for strong communication and I ended up receiving muddled messages from people who no one in the room recognized. It was frustrating and difficult and I ended up calling off the event for the night, explaining to my guests what had happened. I felt horrible, but integrity is so important to me that I feel that in many cases telling people that I'm not connecting is much better than trying to push through...This isn't always the case, since I can sometimes establish a great connection if I just push on for a bit...but not on this particular night...

Fortunately everyone was wonderful about it, but it's left me with a difficult decision...Should I continue to do spirit circles? I enjoy doing them and would like to continue, but they might just not be my "thing." After all, there are numerous other mediums who offer public displays of mediumship...Maybe I'm meant to just keep my practice small and private as opposed to "going public" as my guides have told me...Recently they haven't been saying much of anything in terms of "going public," so the truth is that I'm not sure...I just love it when they leave me out of the loop! lol Guides will often tell us only the part of the story that we need to know...and sometimes their information can seems conflicting...but it's not. For example, for a couple of years they've told me that I'm going to take my practice public...but now that I've actually been working toward that goal, I seem to be running into one obstacle after another - including being incapable of "performing" at that last spirit circle...but I know that there's a reason...I don't know the reason yet, but I know my guides well enough by now to know that there's a reason...Maybe because I'm not SUPPOSED to be actively searching out ways to go public...Maybe because I'm supposed to be honing my public speaking skills and working on re-integrating my true spirituality in my work (which, as I said, was all but stripped from me by my boss at the book store)...I don't know yet, but just like you facing the trials of your life, I'm just going to have to wait to see what they have in store for me! Chances are it won't be exactly what I had in mind, but it will be exactly what I need...

Spreading My Wings

This weekend has been like a whirlwind. Within 2 days I've struck out on my own - leaving the bookstore where I've worked since 2002 and taking my work into my own private practice - AND held my second spirit circle at my new location. It was a very scary decision to leave a place I'd been for so long, but the truth is that the environment there was unhealthy for me and it was time for me to move on. I won't say anything further except to say that I stayed in a toxic work environment for far too long and am ecstatic to be out on my own!

Follow up:

I'm very tired from all of the work I've done this weekend to ensure my new contact info was readily available, as well as the spirit circle, so I'm going to keep this short...But I just wanted to share how happy I am and how amazing it is to follow your passions. I love my work and always have, but now I can pursue my path without the stress of having to overcome a hostile work environment every day - in fact, it's so peaceful that this afternoon I actually couldn't wait to get in!

It's interesting the twisting paths that life leads us down...If the place I'd worked for so long had been comfortable and happy, I probably would have stayed forever, preventing me from pursuing my work independently and hindering my spiritual growth. I understand why I was put in the situation I was - I was challenged to grow stronger...Strong enough to decide not to be a victim and strong enough to decide to leave when my lessons there were done. I'm thankful for my time there; it gave me a chance to hone my skills and get to know myself before striking out on my own...But everything in me knows that those lessons are done and there's no more that I can gain by staying. This is one of the most difficult parts of leaving any relationship: knowing when it's time to go. I can't say that it's not scary, but I have faith that any venture taken with the earnest desire to help others and to grow will be supported and nurtured by God, my guides and my loved ones on the other side.

I am thankful for the support of all of my wonderful clients, one of whom said something today that I really liked...She said that she was so happy to see me spreading my wings...That was a comforting thought...I AM like a baby bird taking off from the nest...and like a little birdy I'll have the wind beneath me to propel me forward, even when the going gets scary.

Down With Retrogrades!!!

Mercury retrogrades have never been my favorite time periods - I very rarely need to be told that we're in one...Generally about halfway through a retrograde I'll start to notice that, despite my best efforts, I become hopelessly tongue-tied, incapable of expressing the most simplistic idea given me by my guides. But the one we're in currently (and which lasts until 11:11 am on January 31, 2009) takes the cake!

Follow up:

It feels like I've been given some sort of medication that not only makes me tongue-tied, it actually makes me ditzy! I know it doesn't sound all that dire, but trust me when I tell you it's becoming increasingly stressful, since I have to pay close attention to every single detail of even the most seemingly inconsequential of tasks or else they'll go irrevocably wrong. Needless to say, my guides have been working feverishly to keep me calm, lol.

Most of the issues I've encountered have been relatively minor, but one has me heartbroken. I'd really been looking forward to taking part in the event on the Queen Mary this weekend, Ghostfest 3. Unfortunately there was a mix-up in the event office and I was unable to get the proper authorization in time, making it impossible for me to take part. And to top it off, the switchboard operator on the Queen Mary (her name was Jill) was unbelievably rude! I was shocked. So, needless to say, I'm disappointed and am allowing myself a little "pouting time" this weekend, lol.

On a happier note, I adopted a doggy from the pound! I'm including his picture here...His name is Archer and he is the goofiest, dorkiest fluff ball I've ever met! He's going to fit in just fine with our little family of misfits!

Phenomena

Unfortunately when I had to re-start my site last month I had to delete all of my former blog entries, which included a couple that were very special to me personally; one being about the experience I shared with my readers on the night my cat-son Uno died. Apparently there were also a few that my readers enjoyed, as I've received several emails requesting that I repost them, especially the posts about interesting medium readings I've had. Unfortunately I don't have copies of the old posts or I would absolutely re-post them for you...But I CAN do my best to remember some tidbits that you all might find interesting!

Brotherly Love

Now, I personally enjoy the little things that come out in a reading that really give away the true personality of a person and their relationship with the sitter. For me, this type of information is the "Big Wow" that I would be hoping for if I myself were sitting with a medium.

Follow up:

A few of these experiences come to mind, but one of the most touching for me occurred during a reading I did for a young woman who's brother passed unexpectedly a few years ago. We'll call the young woman Kate and her brother John.

This family loves each other dearly, which has been very apparent the few times that I've spoken with John, Kate and their other sister.

Well, when Kate came in for a psychic reading recently to ask about events in her life, her brother made himself known right away, barely allowing me to get through the psychic reading - he kept waving his hand in front of my face and bouncing around the room - he was a joker in life. So finally, once her questions were answered we turned our attention to her brother, who began spewing validations. After a few minutes she said that she'd visited him recently for the first time in a long time and wanted to know if he knew she'd been there. As any of you who've sat with me before know, I don't let anyone just get by with a "yes" or a "no" - if I've gotta work so do they! lol...In all seriousness, I do request some sort of validation along with a yes or no answer and fortunately he happily obliged, telling her about a car she was in, playing a song by his favorite band for me (which fortunately I recognized) and, most importantly, pointing out the jacket she was wearing, saying that it was his, not hers. She laughed when she heard that he was mentioning the jacket, but was confused when he said it was his & not hers. I checked again with him to make sure I wasn't misinterpreting what he was saying and sure enough, he was laughing and saying that the jacket was his & not hers. We sat there for a couple of seconds and then she said it was a jacket that had the name of the band he'd just mentioned on it. Just then he told me that she didn't like that band as much as he did & he lovingly called her a "poser." A light went on for her and she understood what he meant...Music was especially important to both Kate and John and they had a loving rivalry over who was the better band - her favorite or his. (The lead singer of his favorite band is also the lead singer of her favorite band, but they're two separate bands). He was teasing her about the jacket being "his" because the band name on the front of the jacket was HIS favorite band, NOT hers...

The Walkman

Some of the most interesting readings can be those in which there is accompanying physical phenomena. Although this has happened in several readings, it's rare, making the experiences highly memorable. A few of those include the reading in which the door of the cd player on my computer, which had been broken for a couple of months at that point, opened on its own, sending my client jumping out of his chair; or the reading in which a client came in wanting to know who was "haunting" her house. As it turned out, she was co-existing with a little girl who had been there long before my client bought the land. As I was talking to my client, the little girl walked up to my table and took 2 of the little stones sitting on the its edge and began playing with them. As my client and I watched, the stones separated to opposite ends of the table, stopped and then "clinked" together like marbles and rolled away from each other, one falling off the edge and onto the floor. I could see that the little girl was playing with them like marbles (the stones were small and shaped like marbles, which were a popular children's game during the era she was alive), but my client's face went completely white, as all she could see was two stones seemingly dancing around the table on their own. Fortunately she was very open and wasn't afraid, just surprised by such clear physical phenomena.

But of all of the physical phenomena, I think the most touching experience for me came when a woman and her boyfriend came in to see me for what they thought would be just a fun, maybe even goofy experience at a psychic's. The woman came in alone first and from the second she sat down, I began receiving information from a female friend of hers who had passed. The beautiful young woman who passed told me that she was the wife of the man my sitter had come in with. She told me that her husband had been an aspiring musician - a rapper - before she died, but now, a year later, he was just letting his dream die as well...He'd given up on the one thing that made him happy. She wanted him to know that she knew how much he missed her but she said it was going to take something really special to get him to believe that she was speaking. Just as I was relaying the information to my sitter, the old Sony Walkman (for those youngsters out there, it's an old radio with headphones that played tapes...There was life before ipods! lol), which was sitting in my purse on the floor next to me, turned itself on. And no, no one's feet or fingers accidentally turned it on...my purse was nowhere near us. The woman sitting across from me was shocked and I was a little surprised myself...But it was obviously so important for the young man's wife to tell him not to give up his dream...

If I only had half a million dollars...

Today was such a hard day... The truth is that I am in absolutely no position to adopt another animal right now (I have 2 dog-kids, 4 cat-kids and I take care of a pack of other cats belonging to a family member). But with this tidal wave of foreclosure, an unimaginable amount to animals are being turned in to the pound - there are thousands. And almost all of them will be put to death because there are just too many. Even under normal circumstances there are too many - in this situation the number has gotten out of control so the pounds are severely over crowded and animal rescues are filled to capacity. So I've decided that, even though my situation is FAR from perfect for housing another animal child, it is POSSIBLE for me to take someone else in and I feel responsible for doing so. If I can save at least ONE life, I will...The problem is that when I went down to the pound, I was completely OVERCOME with all of the dogs' fear and sadness and confusion. It was just too much for me to handle - I literally broke down in tears in the middle of the kennel. There were so many dogs there who have absolutely no idea why this is happening to them - but they think their families are coming back for them like they have before when they've been dropped off at the vet or when their people have gone on vacation. They have no idea that, not only will their families never return, but they will more than likely never get to run in the grass again or smell the flowers again or stick their head out of a car window to feel the wind on their faces. It was utterly heart shattering.

There were a couple of dogs there who especially touched me...A gigantic brown lab whose personality is so much like my lab-daughter Gracee's - all Gracee wants to do is snuggle her snout under your chin and make sure you've got enough kisses that day ("You sure you've had enough kisses now? I can give you more - are you sure? Here, lemme give you just a few more..." lol)....He is just like that...and he's huge but he has absolutely no idea how big he is....He's a ball-chasing, run-into-the-lake-and-come-out-and-climb-into-your-lap, cat-loving, kiss-giving love machine and his spirit is being broken every minute he stays in that loud, scary place.

Another one who touched me is a guy who looks like a black shepherd/akita mix...His ears have bite marks in them and his fur is dirty and his eyes look like they've seen the front line of a war...He wouldn't even raise his head when I came to his cage because no one ever looks at him for long...He's not cute and bouncy like a lot of the other doggies there...He's rather plain looking if you don't look close...But I could feel his spirit, so I went around to the other side of the cage and called him over...Finally he literally pulled himself off of the floor and came over to me and just pressed his body against the cage while I scratched his cheek...I need to get him out...God, if you're listening, I NEED to get this boy out...He is so soulful...

I wish so much that I could take them all out - give them all a big yard to play in and more kisses than they can shake a stick at...But I don't own a house...If only I could come up with the money to buy a house, I would adopt these kids and many more....

As things stand, I don't have the money to buy a house right now, but somehow I am going to rescue my shepherd/chow boy and my lab boy and I'm going to make sure that they have good lives...I don't know how, but I will...

IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW IS AN ANIMAL LOVER WHO HAS A PLACE FOR RENT, PLEASE LET ME KNOW ASAP...